It takes six months to absorb that your loved-one is dying

by admin on 9 April 2010

in Emotional,Personal

Only now am I starting to focus on and compartmentalize my various responsibilities. My father was diagnosed with brain cancer in early October 2009 and since then it has been a whirlwind of tasks and emotions. I realized just last week that I am starting to keep my feelings in check and not feel distraught or lost constantly. I am able to figure out what to do next in a structured, thoughtful way. It took six months to straighten out how I am going to help him for what is probably only another 3 months but now it seems rhythmic and paced.

It is obvious and yet I have to say it because is really is not so obvious: caregiving will impact every facet of your life. Six months it took for me to incorporate this sudden, painful change into my life. I still don’t want to accept that in a few short months my father will no longer be around; seeing him as the walking dead is difficult. But I now know what I can and cannot do for him, and there is some solace in that.

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  • Kathie (Canada)

    Hi, Thanks for your story. I, too, have a father who has metastatic brain cancer. He was diagnosed with it last November 2009. He had five days of radiation treatment for it. His brain cancer is in a very similar spot and his memory is getting worse everyday. He is cold all the time and I think he is depressed. Unfortunately he lives far away from me so I do not have the luxury of having him live with me or I would. He does, however, have my step mom who truly does her best, but I think it is starting to have its toll on her now.

    I know there is nothing more we can do for him but try to keep him as comfortable as we can and be as understanding as we can. I am going to go visit him in May and I am afraid of what I will see. I say this as he is not eating very much these days and I think it is because he feels he is not hungry or he just forgets.

    I talk to him every week to see how he is but I know he says he is fine just so not to worry me. I don't know how much time we have left with him, but I am not looking forward to watching him die from this disease.

  • http://todayicried.com admin

    Kathie,

    Thanks for taking the time to write your story. It helps to know others are going through similar things, even if from different perspectives, so your sharing is really appreciated.

    I'm sorry I didn't respond sooner. When you posted your comment, I was in the hospital with my father. He was there for only a day but it caused so many complications that I was left reeling for a couple of weeks.

    I hope your visit to your father goes well. It will be difficult. You'll be surprised at how much your stepmother has to do for him but I think you'll also be relieved that some of what you imagined wasn't nearly as bad. It's different for all of us. I'm sure you're doing the best you can from where you are and nothing more can be asked of you.

    I wish you and your family well and I hope to hear from you when you get back.

  • Kathie_heard

    Hi Again, your father is lucky to have you. If we think of all the people out there who don't have someone to love and care for them, it is quite sad. My dad's radiation treatment seems to have helped his tumor, however not his memory. I know this is very frustrating for him and those around him. He admits it to me when I speak to him on the phone. He had a cat scan done in June which showed the tumor had shrunk but they found more spots on lungs. I spoke to him this past weekend and his doctor is sending him for another cat scan. We'll see what that shows. He seems to be doing okay for now.
    He's a trooper in all this but I know what the end will be and I too am not looking foward to it. But we will endure, if the tables were turned they would do it for us.

    Take care as I am sure you are doing a great job.

    Kathie

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